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About myself |
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I was born and raised in a little village in the western parts of Germany. The area is called the witch-country. Though my family is strictly roman catholic I was raised by my granny, who knew a lot about those herbs and spices, who have a certain kind of power. She used to tell me all the old stories about the "good old times" when this country was still inhabited by people praying to the great mother earth. Still now I love these stories about fairies and elves when sitting by the fire on a cold and rainy November afternoon. So I grew up knowing that there was more on earth than the eyes of an ordinary human can see and I learned to love and respect all living on earth as a God-given present.
For myself I was a very shy and reserved child. I never played very much with the other children. They used to turn away from me, probably they already sensed that there was something special about me. I already knew that I was different. Yes, I know, every child feels different at a certain age, but already then I knew, that I had a special kind of power over other people. With my parents both very introverted the only contact person for me was my granny. We never spoke about it but I now know that she - unlike my parents- was like me. She taught me to stay with myself, to hide my thoughts and wishes to other people. So I stayed silent and learned as much as I could.
Blood has a special meaning in the country where I grew up. The slaughtering of a pig or a cow was always quite an event. The blood would be collected and used in special recipes. Drinking or eating blood was a normal thing. I liked those dishes a lot but it took a while till I discovered that I had a special attraction to blood which the others didn't share.
I always felt a certain kind of respect for this life force and soon I discovered I didn’t only liked the taste of it, it made me feel good and healthy. As a curious child I began to experiment with myself and soon found out that I had a real craving for blood. It wasn't a fetish, it was plainly physical. HEY, does that mean I am a vampire?? I had heard a lot of stories about those creatures existing between life and death and I found the conclusion that since I had a normal reflection in mirrors and did not turn into a wolf at midnight this was not what was my problem. Hey, thank good, I am human!!!
But things weren't that easy. The feeling of being "different" grew as I became older. Furthermore I began to develop other symptoms. I always felt different at night and I developed a high sensitivity to sunlight. I had extremely realistic and colourful dreams. What was peculiar about it was, that I always dreamed of certain persons and locations I had never heard of in my everyday life. I still have these dreams and I am now trying to find out, what kind of persons I dream of. I now call it my "other life". Going to sleep is like opening a door and entering this life. Well, since I don't have a reasonable explanation of these dreams for now I will have to explore this topic further. Let's go back to the point, when the term vampire entered my life.
Of course, I have read Bram Stoker and also Anne Rice but – unlike many others – never had a special attraction to those stories. In fact, I always led a normal life, went to school, university and I even married. But all the while, I knew that I would never stop being different and I was afraid that if I would talk about it, one would think I was gone mad. The thought of going into a mental clinic had nothing very appealing to me so I staid silent –even to my husband.
When I went overseas last year I started to explore the internet further. I don't remember how I got there but one day I found the Sanguinarius web page. Real life vampirism?? My first thought: This is crazy. My second: HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME!!!! In this very moment I just NEW that this was the truth. I realised that I had known the truth all the time and my reasonable education and my sense of "reality" had caused me to push it away. I still now don't like the term "Vampire". It just has a certain kind of unrealistic flair.
So what I am???
I am human. That is for sure. But I have special other abilities which others don't have. I am psychic and emphatic to most living beings. Yes, I can force people to do certain things, but, hey, that's nothing special. I am a woman!
I still have a high light sensitivity and easily get burned. Now I am proud of my fair skin. I still drink blood but not as much as I used to when I was in my teens. I found out that there are a lot more sources of energy than blood. I already used these sources without knowing it, but I am now learning how to control this feeding, because I did harm other persons.
Well, I even told my husband. As he loves me so much, he had already sensed something different about me. To my surprise he was really understanding. He is a very realistic and analysing person and he's now helping me to find as much scientific material about this topic as he can get. AND without his help, this page would not have been possible!! Thank you honey!!!!!!!!
But anyway I still feel lonely sometimes. There is a certain kind of gap inside of me which a "human" cannot fill. I want to meet others like myself. No lifestylers, no roleplayers, just normal everyday "Vampires" like myself. That's what this page is for. To help others like myself discover that this is no mental or physical illness. This is real life.
I am not dangerous. I am -most of the time- in control of myself. I do not harm or attack others. I just take from those, who offer, and always try to give something back. I wish this world would be different and it would be possible to show my picture. But this is no perfect life and I have to shield myself since I still have a successful other life. I have to protect myself and the people around me. Many of those who read this will think I am insane. Well, I usually leave it to those, who meet me in person to decide who – or what – I am. But I hope that there are others out there. People who are open enough to understand or probably had the same experiences. That are the people this page was made for and who I will hopefully meet someday.
Well, that's enough about me for now. If you would like to tell me your thoughts please send me a mail. Enjoy your stay.
Gwennifer